Dear 18-year-old me,
First and foremost, take a deep breath and exhale.
Now do it again.
You've been holding on to soo much for so long that you've almost forgotten what it's like to relax, to feel at ease. That small town and its small mind won't hold you back any longer. It's okay to let go. It's okay to start over. Honestly, that's what college is all about.
It won't take long for you to realize just how much you miss your family though. Your mom really is one of your best friends. Calling her as you walk to class becomes part of your routine. It’s pretty funny to think just how helpless you are those first few years on your own (okay, honestly, you're still pretty clueless, but you're learning...slowly!). Does Ramen expire? How much detergent do I put in the washer? What the heck do I when the low tire pressure light comes on in my car? Don’t forget that even once you're out of school it's still good to call and chat with mom. You get really bad at this. Honestly, you're just bad at talking on the phone in general now.
That annoying sister of yours that you've spent years wanting nothing to do with is going to become your best friend. You become her encouragement and support system. You know those cheesy people that seem to have an arsenal of motivational quotes for every type of situation imaginable. Yea, that person is you. You're by her side as her dreams become reality, (even if they get blown to pieces later on, but that's another story for a different day) and you've never felt more proud to call her your sister.
You know those plans you have to just spend one year in Nebraska then move to California? Yea, a boy and a handful of great, new friends completely derail that course.
You are going to meet some of the best people in your life in the most unexpected places:
On a city bus heading to your first day of class
Along Vine Street walking to a Husker football game
In a run down, unairconditioned dorm in NYC
In the throws of a grueling PhD program
Ready for some unapologetic honesty? Danielle, you can kind of be a terrible friend. You are horrible at calling people and talking on the phone. Slow down and be more mindful with your time. Meet up for lunch, take that yoga class together, have someone over to watch The Bachelor and drink too much wine while complaining about how scripted the show has become. The point is simple. Make the time to nurture these relationships and show these people just how much you cherish them.
While your taste in people is on point, your styling choices still need some refining. Unfortunately, you will purchase every bedazzled, sequined, obnoxious pair of PINK sweats available. This look becomes your college uniform. I promise you grow out of this. Also, do yourself a favor and stop bleaching your hair. Hay is not in season, like ever.
While most of your Type A characteristics have helped you achieve and surpass your goals, overthinking and overanalyzing have yet to get you anywhere. You can't change what's already happened, so reliving those conversations and critiquing your every word/move will do nothing but drive you crazy. There are going to be so many situations where you are so close to reaching your goals. Where they are *almost* in your grasp but suddenly slip away. You'll be heartbroken, defeated, exhausted, and confused. While it's hard to see it this way now, these failures don't define you. More importantly, a no right now does not mean it will be a no forever. Don't let a failure now discourage you from trying again. If you are still passionate about it, keep working for it.
I wish I could say that this is the worst of it, but in a few short years you will come face to face with this thing called A N X I E T Y. A traumatic car accident paired with a chronic illness will awaken this devil in you. This monster consumes you, and you will begin to withdraw from the things that once made you the most fulfilled. It's not pretty. While some days can still be a struggle, you have found the light at the end of the tunnel through yoga. It's pretty amazing the difference a few intentional breaths can make.
If there is only thing you take away from this, my hope is that you learn to trust your gut more. You know right from wrong, and you know when you aren't happy. Don't settle for an "okay" life. You deserve so much more: fight for that, work for that, don't lose sight of that. Don't undermine your ambitions. They are worth pursuing with all your heart. Stand up for yourself, and speak up more.
It's laughable to think that at 18 you are expected to know exactly what you want to do with your life. I wish I could tell you that in 10 years you have it all figured out, but in all honestly, your life is still very much a work in progress. You are going to change your mind a lot. And that's okay. Repeat after me: IT'S OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.
Your late twenties are nothing like you imagined. You still feel like a foolish kid who doesn't have their life together, so enjoy these last few years of being young and ridiculous. Adulthood is coming soon, and it brings with it a whole new world of crazy.
Love,
Future you
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